Sexting.
What is it? Why would anyone do it? What is the harm in it? What are the consequences of it?
These are a few of the questions that parents are facing today. Let’s take a look at these questions and examine why sexting is a serious problem, why we need to guard our teens against sexting, and why we need talk to them about the dangers of this type of conduct.
What is it?
Sexting, the sending of nude or partially nude pictures or videos via text messages on a cell phone, is becoming common among teenagers today. In a recent study from PEW Research Center, out of 800 teens from ages 12-17, 4% admitted to having sent a sext and 15% admitted to having received one. The study also found that 75% of the teens owned a cell phone and 66% used text messages.
Why would anyone do it?
The Pew Research Center found that there are three basic sexting scenarios:
- Sexting between romantic partners
- Sexting between partners that are then shared with others outside the relationship
- Sexting between people not yet in a relationship but with at least one hoping to develop a relationship
Remember, “partners” does not mean partners in marriage. It doesn’t even mean adults. We are talking about teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17. PEW describes the third scenario as “part of an experimental phase for teens who are not yet sexually active.” It is natural for teenagers to be attracted to members of the opposite sex–that’s God’s design for their development. It’s not God’s design, however, for them to become sexually active until they are in life-long marriage. Teens are using sexting to experiment with their sexuality. One high school girl from the study described sexting as follows:
“I think it was more common in middle school, because kids are afraid to do face-to-face contact sexually. In high school, kids don’t need the pictures. They’ll just hang out with that person romantically.”
She is stating that she thinks sexting is less common in high school because high school students are more likely to move past the experimentation to full sexual activity. Can you see the progress from experimenting to enjoying to full activity?
Another reason that teens sext is peer pressure. If you remember high school, you will remember that peer pressure is a common thing and can be hard to stand against. As adults, sometimes we forget just how hard peer pressure can be on teens and how much it affects their thinking. If someone you are interested in takes a notice of you, your heart does backflips inside your chest. When that person comes over to talk to you, you feel as if your heart will crash through your ribs because it is pounding so hard. When you hear that your friends are sexting and the person you have a crush on asks you to send him picture or sends you one, there is a lot of pressure involved. One high school girl from the study described it this way:
“I haven’t, but most of the girls who have are usually pressured by a guy that they like or want to like them, or their boyfriends. It’s probably more common than what it seems because most people who get involved in this were probably pressured by someone to do it.”
Another said it like this:
“When I was about 14-15 years old, I received/sent these types of pictures. Boys usually ask for them or start that type of conversation. My boyfriend, or someone I really liked asked for them. And I felt like if I didn’t do it, they wouldn’t continue to talk to me. At the time, it was no big deal. But now looking back it was definitely inappropriate and over the line.”
Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” It is in all of us to desire the things of the flesh and the things of the world.
What’s the harm of it?
In the Song of Solomon, three times, the Shulamite woman charges the Daughters of Jerusalem, saying, “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song Of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, & 8:4). God has placed a desire inside each of us to love and be loved by a life partner in marriage. This love is one of the greatest loves that we can experience in our lives – a love that is selfless and giving. However, we can awaken the desire for this love before the appropriate time for us to experience this type of love or before we can offer the type of commitment that must accompany this type of love. When the desire for love is awakened before the appropriate time, it is immature and shallow, only desiring to be self-satisfied.
While it may seem like an innocent, juvenile past-time that will fade with growth and maturity, sexting can cause a lot of harm to everyone involved. It awakens love before its proper time and opens a whole world that should never be seen. It can lead to guilt, shame, suspension (or even expulsion) from school, addiction to pornography, sexual activity outside of marriage, harassment from peers, and sex-centered relationships instead of God-centered relationships. When the law of diminishing returns is applied to one’s life, he finds that just sending and receiving sexually charged text messages doesn’t give him that same thrill it once did, and he goes looking for the next step that will give him that sense of thrill and excitement. Sexting is the “gate-way drug” that leads to premarital sex and further sin.
What are the consequences of it?
What consequences can there be if this is a private matter and no one else will see it besides a boy and his girlfriend? It may seem like a private matter but it is not. In a study from 2008 by The National Campaign To Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy,
“40% percent of teens and young adults say they have had a sexually suggestive message (originally meant to be private) shown to them and 20% say they have shared such a message with someone other than the person for whom it was originally meant.”
Teens from the PEW survey put it this way:
“This girl sent pictures to her boyfriend,” wrote one older high school boy. “Then they broke up and he sent them to his friend, who sent them to like everyone in my school. Then she was supposed to come to my school because she got kicked out of her school because it was a Catholic school….it ruined high school for her.”
A middle school boy wrote “Yeah, [I get sexts] once a year, [from] people who have girlfriends…usually the sender had it sent from his girlfriend and sent it to everyone…it’s no big deal and it doesn’t happen very often.”
Another high school girl explained “I’ve heard of people getting these types of pictures and usually its someone’s girlfriend but the people that receive them aren’t even the person that they are dating – they are sent to like ten other guys, for example, like the guy’s friends with something saying ‘I can’t believe she did this.’”
Another younger high school-aged girl wrote: “Yeah, it happens a lot, my friends do it all the time, it’s not a big deal. Sometimes people will get into fights with their exes, and so they will send the nudes as blackmail, but it’s usually when or after you’ve been dating someone.”
What was once meant to be “private” and “for your eyes only” often is sent around to everyone’s friends. With the ability to send multiple text messages to multiple recipients, pictures and videos can be passed to hundreds of people in a matter of minutes. Imagine the damage to a student’s reputation and testimony this can have, simply from one wrong choice.
In fact, this happened to an 18 year old student in Ohio in March of this year. She sent sexts to her boyfriend while they were dating. When they broke up, however, the former-boyfriend passed the pictures along to other high school girls. Soon they were calling her vicious names and harassing her. Not able to stand it anymore, she hanged herself in her bedroom.
This is not the only time this has happened, either. A similar case happened in Florida. A girl sent a sext to a boy she liked hoping to catch his attention. Instead, she caught the attention of the entire school when the pictures were passed along to the majority of her classmates. After being taunted and harassed, she, too, hanged herself. She was only 13.
These are two tragic cases of what sexting opens our teens up to. But the consequences can go far beyond peer relationships.
Often, students can be suspended or even expelled from their school for sending and receiving sexual text messages. In many states, including Virginia, “sexting can result in state felony charges, including felony solicitation of a minor and creation, possession and distribution of child pornography. In the United States, it is against the law to possess lewd photographs of minors,” according to About.com.
“Teens are being charged with everything from ‘disorderly conduct’ and ‘illegal use of a minor in nudity-oriented material’ to felony ‘sexual abuse of children…, criminal [use] of a communications facility, or open lewdness.’
If the teen is 18 or older, he may even be labeled as a sex offender and have his name and photo posted on his state’s sex offender website.
Summary
The Bible clearly tells us that there are things that are to be left only for marriage. Sexting goes beyond what the Bible gives as guidelines and calls it fornication and a sin. Sexting is far more than innocent flirtation. It is a serious issue that we need to talk to our teens about and make sure they understand why it is wrong. As with much of the technology that exists today, there are great things about it that make our lives easier. However, there are areas that need to be monitored and protected to maintain a safe environment for our children to grow in Christ. With the number of cell phones in the hands of teens (and younger) on the rise, and the proliferation of cameras in our daily lives, we need to make sure we are guarding ourselves and the safety of our children. Make sure you are the type of parent your child needs – one that places his child’s spiritual growth first and foremost. Sometimes the best type of love is the tough kind.
